There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
