Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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