dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
