if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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