you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
