my mouth tastes like poor choices
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
