i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
