One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
