did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You've changed since you got that strap on
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