I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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