you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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