And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
