i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
