Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
