guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
