i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
