Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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