No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
