return my video game
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
