When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
