Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
