Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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