While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
