i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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