I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
