dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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