Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
