the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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