Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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