every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
