My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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