Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
