Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
