seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
