I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
