I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
