remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
