You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
