Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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