Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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