My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
