Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
