bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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