Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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