I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
