I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
