Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
