I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
