On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
