I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
