I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
