areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
